Caesar, Postcard Transcript

Caesar, Postcard Transcript 

Caesar: If I, you know, if I start talking about this place, then this place has ears, so. [Uneasy background music] I don't really know if I, if I feel sorry for being here. But I know in the morning, the afternoon, um, there's a lot of people yelling and screaming and people slapping other people, and... There's a lot of assault here. [Sounds of struggle] And I don't agree with the fact that this is a safe environment.  

I feel sorry for people who feel they are being neglected and not getting the attention that they want or that they- Not so much that they want it, but that they need it.  

What- The nurse said to me, she says, "Who are you friends with in here in the building?" I looked at her and I said, "I don't have any friends in this building. I have no friends." And she says to me, "Oh," she says, "Well," she says, "In that case, I said, I'll be your friend." And I said, "No, you won't." I said, "Because you're just like everybody else. I hear you gossiping about people, gossiping about me, talking about me behind my back. That's not being a friend." [Sounds of whispering] 

I feel left out. I feel that they're doing baby things here. [Music box noise] Yeah, I know. I know people are losing their senses and everything like that, but I'm not. There are things that I could go to and participate in, but I don't want to. I want to be challenged. Wheelchair, no wheelchair. I want to be challenged.  

The sound of silence. I live in that world, the sound of silence. I guess that's one reason why I want to be outside, is so that I can hear sounds. [Bird sounds] Have somebody take me to High Park, walk through High Park with me, take me up Yonge Street, take me down to the waterfront. [Water lapping] I guess it's inclusiveness, right? You want to feel included. If you feel included, then your life is going to be something maybe a little more worthwhile.  

[Radio noise] Even when I go to bed, I leave the radio on. And it stays on all night until I wake up in the morning. And it stays on continually. I don't turn it off. I leave it on. [Background music] Music was a big thing for me. Times when I was growing up. Uh... So my dad bought an amplifier, parts for an amplifier, and him and I we would always sit upstairs after supper, and we would work on this thing together. And we built the whole system. Uh, we ordered, uh, a turntable, put a turntable into it, and it was the most fun I had with my dad. Ever. My dad died. Didn't leave me anything. Didn't even get an invitation or a summons to, to, uh, appear. An announcement that dad had died. My parents, they ostracized me. I ostracized them. I walked away.  

Let's just put it this way, okay? This is my last statement.  

Researcher: OK. 

Caesar: This place, regardless of why I'm here, is never going to be home. And everybody around here that you talk to says, "Oh, this is my home. This is my home. I live in a little 12-foot by 12-foot box." This is not my home. This is not my apartment. This place has absolutely no meaning to me. It only means I've got a place to lay my head at night. I get three meals. That's it. 

[Music] 

 

Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

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